Can You Pick Out a Bully?

       

          Can you pick out a bully from the other children? Sometimes it can be hard to figure out who is who. Not always is the bully aggressive in a noticeable way that’s easy to spot. This poses a problem when trying to fix the bullying problem in schools. It’s very important to know the signs that can point out a bully from the rest.

What is considered signs of bullying? The National School Safety Center came up with a list of what they consider bullying tactics. The following is that list: poking, punching, strangling, suffocating, pinching, shoving, hitting, biting, spitting, hair pulling, finger bending, ganging up and cornering, stabbing, excessive tickling, burning, poisoning, theft and shooting (Bullying, 2009). So, now we have an official list to help with picking out the bully.

In most cases boy bullies will take a direct, physical way of bullying, while girl bullies most likely will take an indirect way of bullying (Bullying, 2009). But that’s not always the case. Also with the times changing you can’t rely on gender to help you recognize a bullying child. In some cases a child with a personality disorder can be a bully because of the disorder not allowing them to understand normal social emotions (Dealing with Bullying, n.d.). What bullies do share in characteristics is the enjoyment in dominating others while making the focus on them; they most likely have poor social skills and/or poor social judgments (Dealing with Bullying, n.d.).

When I was picked on in school the girls would push my around and threaten to beat me up. They also were mostly very verbally abusive. So the gender characteristic isn’t always true. The guys that would pick on me were not physical, but verbally abusive as well. But sometimes words hurt more than being hit.

            So what we conclude is that bullies can either be direct and aggressive or indirect and non-aggressive; and gender of the bully is no longer a way to help with characterizing a bully. Bullies can have personality disorders that could cause them to be bullies. They do share the fact they like to dominate others and put the focus on themselves.

Bullying. (2009, June). Facts on File News Services.  Retrieved March 25, 2011, from the Issues & Controversies Database.

Dealing with Bullying. (n.d.). Teens Health: Kids Health.Org. Retrieved March 27, 2011, from http://kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/problems/bullies.html.

How does Teaching Help to Prevent Bullying?

Educating children on how to handle their bully is one of the biggest help for a child. Parents need to step in and help teach the child that bullying is an unacceptable behavior and be there to give their child support. If one method doesn’t work try another.

Fighting violence with violence is not the answer. Teaching your child to fight back physically is the wrong step, like the saying goes “Two wrongs don’t make a right”. Most times the child that is being victimized is actually weaker and smaller than the bully, so the fear of losing may be real ( Marano, 2010). In some case this method can work, but not in all especially in my case.

There are different tactics to use when dealing with a bully. Parents just need to become more proactive and help their child find one that works. Sitting down and coming up with clever comebacks to use when they are being verbally abused by the bully ( Marano, 2010). It’s nothing fighting words with words, plus giving the opening to walking away from the bully while they’re thinking of a comeback.

Find a friend. Having a friend on the playground with the child is the most effective method ( Marano, 2010). This strategy implies the safety in numbers, because what bully is going to want to take on a group of kids? Plus having friends that are supportive helps the child gain self-esteem and confidence.

In high school bullying stopped for me because I developed more friendships in high school than I had in elementary or middle school. Being that I was picked on a lot in school I don’t take little to seeing fellow peers being picked on, especially if it’s friends or loved ones. One instance in high school I can remember was I observed four girls pushing around one, lone girl and calling her names. That already was unfair four against one. One of my friends and I stepped in and told them to back off. I offered to walk her to the principal’s office or even to her next class. I feel like I just can’t stand by and watch that after all I’ve been through. I just wish someone had been there to stand up for me.

Marano, H., (2010, March 30) Top Strategies for Handling a Bully. Psychology Today.com. Retrieved February 27, 2011, from the World Wide Web:  

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/brainstorm/201003/top-strategies-handling-bully.